Time.

Monday, May 29, 2006 !

These few days, i've been thinking..
i've been searching, and really just praying..
It helps to have powerful worship songs playing
when you're focusing on God.. on his word...
on your life, and how God can help you...

I was worshipping in church on Sunday..
I felt really dry... so dry that i realised..
i'm so darn far from God...He's there...
He's there with open arms...
but everytime He calls me, I move away..
He takes another step nearer, and I move away..
Then it hits me.. God's been trying to get to me..
but i've been moving away...Must he hit me with his wrath,
before i cower in fear and move towards him?

THE FEAR OF THE LORD is the beginning of wisdom.
I'm not saying i am smart..
but i do fear Him more than i did months and years ago.
I'm afraid of God.. But I love him. I love my Lord God almighty.
to what extend do I love him?
Pastors, Teachers all talk about radical dicipleship.
and the greatest extend of it all is to be able to give up our lives for Him.
Right now,i still do not have the courage to die for God...
but i dare say i'll be able to give up alot of things for him.
A little like Abraham i'd say...

As i was worshipping on Sunday,
all these revalations hit me really hard...
i've been searching and searching for God..
He shot me with this verse from Jerimiah 29:13
"You will seek me and find me.If you seek me with all your heart."
This has been my search for truth...I need a change in my live..
Growing close to God only during the exam periods and camps
isn't something that i really want..

I would also love to see my youths be transformed for Christ.
To see them in fervour, and worshipping whole-heartedly..
I was given a vision..not that i'm a prophet or anything..
but i listened and searched hard enough...
Imagine with me...

A grandstand in a semicircle form...
like a stand for choir singers... This grandstand reaches high up.
and i mean way way up..
The grandstand, is filled with angels clothed in white.
Everything's so pure.. so soothing. so simply beautiful.
and then right smack in the middle of the floor,
a big table with red cloth, and a great Throne in the middle,
Everyone's singing.. worshipping...a lovely sight...

This is what i would want the youths of the world to achieve..
this is what i would want YM to achieve...

On another note.. i know this is a really long entry...
Poly's really stressful...JC people complain that they've tonnes of subjects..
so what? we've tonnes of modules..enough to keep a city busy..
this week, i've tonnes of mini tests..
can't slack.. i'm aiming for COM...after these tests is the term break..
3 weeks break...but it's not a real break...
after the break, school starts with MAJOR EXAMS...
sigh.. i need tonnes of help..

i'll learn to give up things/people that belong to me,
before i learn to love and trust...like abraham...
he was willing to give Isaac up...
but in the end the Lord provided..
and once again, i know he'll provide for me...

You spoke the world into motion..
You carried the cross with all my shame..
What could i say?What could i do?
but offer this heart oh God, completely to you..
I stand with arms high and heart abandoned .
In awe of the one who gave it all.
I stand my soul Lord to you surrender all i am is yours..

8:55 PM
-----------------------